When I first heard of White Lodge (Hudson Tesoriero (HT), Jonny Ranger (JR), Harry Gordon (HG), Jordan Biazos), I wanted to hate them so bad because they used a Twin Peaks reference. Imagine my surprise then, when I whipped up their Bandcamp/Facebook player/USB flash drive/Floppy disk (or whatever those kids are using these days) and what greeted me was pure and unabashedly, my kind of shit. I figured they must have a better handle on me than I do myself, so I Dear Abby-ed their asses. The results are below:
Dearest White Lodge,
So why are you guys here again? Also, what color are your guys’s passports?
HT: Here? Where’s here? Earth? Well, because a bunch of stuff happened. There was an explosion in space, the planet was ejaculated out, there were dinosaurs, weird amphibian things and then an inexplicable black monolith which a monkey touched. Thousands of years later, here we are mate. Weird monkey-men floating around on a rock, ready to play some songs in your country. Forests and White Lodge for Gary Records, let’s do it! Our passports are navy blue.
JR: A mix of work and play. Our passports are blue.
HG: We have come to drink your beers and pilfer your women, all under the guise of playing a few shows with the lovely dudes in Forests. Our passports are blue with Kangaroos on them cause Kangaroos are fucking rad.
What are your thoughts on Aquafresh Extreme Clean Toothpaste? Do you guys even have it?
HT: I don’t think I’ve ever used it. Colgate is usually my go-to toothpaste brand of choice. I’m fairly certain I’ve heard of this Aquafresh Extreme Clean though.. I might have to try it and begin my career as dental-hygiene connoisseur.
JR: Hmm haven't seen it round, it sounds amazing, I should probably go brush my teeth now, I just woke up.
HG: All i know about Aquafresh is that it is owned by the Satan-spawn company GlaxoSmithKline and BUBBLES ARE BETTER! I’m sure it will get rid of any and all beetle-nut stains.
Do you think Long Johns are appropriately named? Shouldn’t they really just be called “tights”? Aren’t they the same thing?
HT: I imagine the term ‘Long Johns’ has some deep-rooted history stemming from the frontier days of America. I think those times were cool. I hear the term ‘Long Johns’ and I think of Kevin Costner in ‘Dances With Wolves’. I hear the term ‘Tights’ and I think of fashion-victims walking around shopping-centers stuffed into stretchy black fabric. I’m all for ‘Long Johns’, they’ve got heritage! I think I might actually need a pair now.
JR: Whatever they are, they are both definitely not pants, a lot of girls over here on the gold coast substitute them for pants.
HG: They are only called long johns so dudes don’t feel weird wearing tights. LJ's are definitely tights.
Use four animals to define White Lodge.
HT: A sloth, a tortoise, a deep-sea crab and a skunk.
JR: Fast and vicious like a shark, with the venom of a snake, messy like a chicken, with the luck and mysticism of a cat.
HG: Koalas, Iguanas, Eels and Sloths.
In terms of Skittles, are you guys single-eaters or multi-eaters?
HT: As far as lollies go, Skittles are extremely high on my priority list. I enjoy all flavours in the classic pack and I’m certainly a fan of their sour counterparts, but all other promotion and seasonal ranges are a waste of precious candy time.
JR: Singles. I do it with other foods too.
HG: I usually stick half a bag in my mouth and suck them till they disappear. Great for when your gnawing at your teeth at 4 in the morning!
Corduroy or Tweed?
HT: Depends on the look you’re going for. Tweed for suits or for dressing like Indiana Jones in his Professor attire (which I highly recommend you doing). Corduroy for floater-pants or jackets, so you can look like a 70’s surfer or Alex Knost, both which are cool!
JR: Hudson always rocks tweed pants. I have a corduroy jacket that a girl spilt all my metallic blue nail polish over. I like tweed guitar amps. Corduroy feels trippy.
You guys have been playing together for almost 20 years now, what are some of your biggest pet peeves (so sorry that I said pet peeves, ever) of each other?
HT: That we can’t jam every single night of the week and produce an album a month. That we all don’t live in the same street. No, I have no real pet-peeves. I’m enormously stoked with the current incarnation of White Lodge and that we have our split 7” together.
JR: Pet peeves haha, Harry is always getting called into work and he is way better at rapping than me. Huddy’s collection of vintage clothes and records makes me jealous. I also wish I could skate as good as him.
HG: Hudson has become a fully-fledged pussy addict. After years of being drugged out me and Jonny form a Christian ministry to warn against the use of illicit substances and alcohol.
When you guys named yourselves White Lodge, was that just a small glimmer of hope that you wouldn’t end up in the Black Lodge?
HT: I’m keen for the Black Lodge. I could hang out with Bob and wear Levi’s Orange Label. Nah, I’d never want to wear Levi’s Orange Label. But if I did end up there, I’d do my best to rescue Special Agent Dale Cooper. We could hold hands, read Flesh World and drink endless cups of that sweet, sweet black coffee. We actually considered calling the band Black Lodge but there’s already an established industrial/goth band by that name. I also expect it would have seemed odd us having songs about the beach and girls with that name. White Lodge it is.
JR: Yeah the black lodge smells and is full of death and despair and psychosis.
HG: Plot twist. Diane is Agent Cooper.
Have you guys heard anything about Taiwan? Are you sure it’s not Thailand?
HT: Taiwan... Well, I vaguely recall from High-school that Chiang Kai-Shek played a large role in Taiwanese history and that it was his home in his latter days? I could go on Google and research Taiwan and pretend I’m well educated on the topic, but I won’t. I’m aware that lots of cool stuff is made there and I’m fucking keen to visit. It’s definitely not Thailand.
JR: I'm not yet very familiar with Taiwan but I'm definitely sure it’s not Thailand haha. I like Thai food, and went to school with a really brainy Thai girl. If I recall correctly I've heard Bradford Cox from Deerhunter say one of his favorite shows he ever played was in Taiwan. He said it was really punk and really fun and awesome, so if that's anything to go by I think we should be in for a rad time. Also we've got our brothers from other mothers FORESTS looking after us while we are here which we are very thankful for and humbled by, if you haven't heard their music you should, its bloody awesome.
HG: We’re not going to Thailand? I thought I could of had at least a few days in lady-boy bars. I don’t wanna go anymore.
Have you guys ever met the Hobbit, since he lives nearby?
HT: I haven’t met any hobbits (dwarves is a different story) but it wouldn’t surprise me if Australia’s current political agenda is being devised and orchestrated in the deep, dark heart of Mordor.
JR: I haven't met the hobbit yet, plenty of witches down here though. I think I saw Smeagol smoking crack in an alleyway on the way home from Surfers Paradise the other night, it could've just been some guy though..